God and Hope

Born this Way

2011-03-10T04:23:00.000+08:00

Another sensational video on YouTube is Maria Aragon singing a cover of Lady Gaga's "Born this Way". It was my first time to hear that song and it seems to have good lyrics. Well, not on the whole aspect, but a few words I like:

"There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are"
She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up, girl and you you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)

The above lyrics shows a positive attitude towards oneself. Dismissing the insecurities women, or girls (in particular) may have. Yes, no one is perfect, maybe according to some set standards. But with God's eyes, we are perfect in many different ways. You may feel that you are ugly because of your button nose, skin color etc. (that happened to me back in HS days!) And then spent a lot of time looking at your face on the mirror and observing every little part of your face, unconsciously looking for more imperfections. But then I learned that being beautiful is not having the perfect face or body, but by having those imperfections perfected the perfect me. From then on, I am not conscious on my imperfections, and instead I feel perfect. (and another quote that I lived by... "better be smart than beautiful").

Note that I don't patronize Lady Gaga and her "queenly" "monster" image. I just like a bit of bits of her lyrics.
I prefer this video of this Filipino girl, rather than Lady Gaga's official music video (which I find very disturbing- just IMHO.)

It´s Just Emotion That's Taking Me Over...

2011-02-25T12:45:00.001+08:00

Why do people like to feel they are belonged? To feel they are fit in a group? Sometimes there are people who are very conscious about that. Like me.

Seems I always have a problem with "fitting in". I always feel that I don't belonged and I am a unique. Well, I like to be unique, but not to the extent of being a nomad. I always feel that I am being bad: bad attitude, bad personality etc. That makes me apart from everyone else. I sounded like a teenager back in high school, but it can also apply even now that I am a mother.

I have this fear of being alone... maybe. Or the "me against the world" thing. Have you experienced such feelings? Because I always do. I don't know why. But this thinking surely affects my mood and perception. I know it disrupts some good relationship I have. But I don't know how this thinking started and how it will be avoided. Some will say, "Stop being so sensitive." It will not be like a snap to stop being emotional.

These thoughts were in my head back in elementary days, I remember. I was already very sensitive and observant of myself and my emotions. I don't have a childhood friend that is really my best friend. I have close friends by then, but none of them would last. Either I decided to move away or they leave me.

My attitude, emotions, thoughts seems so complicated to me that I cannot think out-of-the-box and produce a good solution to all of it. I am trying to change one bad thought at a time and change it to a good one. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

What are my bad thoughts? Hmm...

I am no good.
I am an outcast.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody can see the good things I did.
I cannot fit in.
I am always the bad one.
I am the troublemaker.
I am complicated.

In terms of my skills, I feel proud. But in terms of character, I am a failure. I never thought of having a family, let alone a husband who can love me all these years, because of what I viewed of myself.

I don't know the solution to this yet. Yes, prayers to God. But I don't know how should I pray for it. Especially when those emotional moments came and then those kinds of thoughts will be coming next. Maybe if I could talk to a psychologist (I am serious in looking for a psychologist even though it will look like I am a psychopath) or a life coach specialist that can help me turn my bad thoughts into good one.

Most often, music can heal my emotions... :)

Endurance

2011-02-14T04:14:00.001+08:00

Ever since I was little, I knew that somehow I am not the person that can be tested for endurance. What is endurance? It is also called sufferance. The power to endure pain, hardships or trials.

First and foremost, I cannot really endure physical pain without any word about the pain, ever since I was a child. I hate blood, pain, accidents etc. Next, endure hardships or trials. To be honest, I have never been in a real and serious hardships back when I was still single. The hardships and trials only came upon getting married and having children. Not coincidentally, I am getting more trials since the day I found the real God in my life.

I have prayed and wished that God will mold me to a person that He wanted me to be. Like to be born again under His grace. (Yeah, be careful what you wished for!) But I really mean what I prayed and wished for. It was like my ultimate destiny or dream to be the person God created me to be; to fulfill His mission through me; to use me to bless others --- it was a great honor for the Lord.

Now, God is testing me for endurance. Possibly it was on His top ten list that I need to go through with. He knows I quit easily. He knows I am impatient. He knows that I am very fond of escaping the problems and getting impulsive ideas and decisions. This endurance doesn't only come from physical activity but from the whole aspect of being patient and to really, really humble myself.

God's endurance test at this moment: school kids, work, housework, cooking, and my "bobo" time (when I am not thinking anything, and staring blankly at the monitor screen, just clicking and playing my online games). Then of course, relationships. God knows how I don't like arguments and being not in peace with others, and how I tend to please others rather than please God or even my children. When all boils together at one moment: screaming kids, lots of work, tons of housework, the stress of thinking "what's for dinner?" then the relationship drama --- it was so stressful! One night, I had a good cry (actually lots and lots of good cry). Just letting those little monsters inside of me, those worries, frustrations, drama --- all those negative things that I really need to release.

Then it struck to me -- maybe God is molding me to be a long-sufferer person. I like the idea, but I am getting crushed by the process. I don't want the molding to affect my relationship to others. But I guess it was an essential part of the molding process. So I released my worries to the Lord, all these heartaches that's been bugging me for the past few months. I am still releasing it all. I want to be happy, Lord.

But being a human with a human instinct, my mind is also considering looking for a new apartment in Antipolo area. And it was an escape route again. Failed. So while I keep thinking and internalizing everything, a favorite learning I got from God and Bible is that God can only give you a burden that you can carry. So I trust that to the Lord.

Now, I feel much better and I hope this feeling will stay until the end of the week. I know this hardship will pass soon and I know I can do it. God says that He will never give me a trial that I cannot pass. I can endure and I can wait patiently.

Fish Dream

2010-12-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

I had an interesting dream last night. It was something special, as I am not dreaming for the past few months. So the dream started like this:

I am in a pet shop, or maybe just a fish shop. I brought Darlene's fish bowl and it has possibly 6 colorful fishes there. It was in pair: a pair of moorish idol, and other kinds of fishes that I didn't pay much attention to. On the shop, I noticed an unusual fish bowl and more of like a flower vase. It is made of transparent glass. It was like this, except that the neck is much wider-- 2-3x wider.

Now, I want to have or buy a new fish: a very special fish. As soon as I saw it, I felt it was magical to see such beautiful and precious fish. I saw many red, small, heart-shaped translucent fish. It was like a red-blood cell but shaped like a heart. But it was breathtaking to see such fish (even in the real world, maybe!) It was the size of this, but not exactly like this:

Then I said to the chubby lady on the store if I can buy that fish tank (that looks like a vase), and I have to buy the special heart-shaped fish, and may have to buy some plants to put it on the tank too. The fish will be on the bottom area of the tank, and the 3-4 stalks of the plant can be placed on the top. In my dream, I envisioned something like this:

But as the lady gave me the tank, it was now a regular, rectangular shaped tank, with all the other fishes are there along with the red one. Then as I put it on a table, the fishes are kinda jumpy and can fall out of the tank. I told the lady that there is too much water on it. As I looked back to my tank, a cat catch one of older fishes. I hurried back to the lady and told her that I want the old fishbowl back for my old fishes and the unusual shaped-tank for the special red fish.

I even asked the lady is she has something for the lighting of the tank, like a circle-shaped LED light dish that can be put on the bottom of the circle-bottomed tank to have an effect of light from the bottom going up. On my dream, I just got that idea and really don't know if there is something like that exists. Astonishingly, the shop has one of the LED lights and it was a perfect fit for the tank. I even got another LED light for the other fishbowl.

I wonder now what is the meaning of my dream. I researched online that fish means fertility, wisdom, God -- all good. Will the special red fish is a new baby for me? haha!

The Best Things in Life are Free

2010-11-13T16:54:00.002+08:00

I am in praise in thanking the Lord for this blessing of having an opportunity to be with my family in this place for free. Though we still have to pay for our meals and for the extended night -- it was all worth it. We enjoyed every bit of our stay here. There hasn't been a major problem in our stay here.

We love our photos, our food, our room, our bed, our bathroom, our overall stay here at MMLDC. It is very suited for our needs. The people are very cordial and courteous. The place is quiet and clean. The nature made itself very relaxing to me. The cool air, the green grass, the tall trees.... No noisy jeepneys, no busy people, no work for me... well, I can only hear my pretty Pauline whining for quite sometime. :)

Nature plus my family, that's the perfect vacation. Nothing beats that, esp our usual trip to the mall. How happy I am to see the widened eyes of my children whenever they see something nice or something tickled their curiosity. How they enjoyed their swim with their father. How they said, "I'm tired" after walking for several minutes while roaming around the place. How they discovered for the first time how the grass tickles their feet. (Well, for Pauline, it itches!) How they enjoyed their cozy bed and "nice" bathroom, even the hot shower which is Darlene's favorite. How my kids are ordering their food from their menu, "mama, I want chicken... mama, i want this and that!". How my husband relaxes on our room's sofa. How he made the cartwheel which awed the kids. How we enjoyed our drinks together and sang the song being played on the karaoke. We enjoyed every minute of our stay here. I am glad that I am relaxed, calm (except yesterday when Pauline is whining continuously for more than 3hours.. hehhe), not thinking of work, had a good sleep, not thinking much of my usual day-to-day habit and worries. At least for 2 days, I felt relaxed. I wish I could bring a part of MMLDC back home, especially the bed, comforter and pillows --- I didn't had a backpain even I slept on my side for the whole night. Next time, I will be investing for a good pillow for myself. My back pain makes me feel dragged every morning.

Well, today we'll be going back home. Back to our usual busy, all-day working lives. Oh how I thank the Lord for 3 days and 2 nights of our stay here and I thank you Lord for 5 years of marriage with Marc. This is also our 5th year pre-anniversary celebration. and thank you Lord for being here with us throughout our stay here.

Letting Go of Worries and Fears

2010-11-02T12:07:00.000+08:00

Good evening Lord. I miss you. I miss talking to you about everything, I miss our get together with Marc.

Lord, I have realized something a few days ago. It is also based on my God whisper that time -- to release all my worries. Well, its not the first time I have heard of this, but I realized some of my worries that I usually worry and without knowing that it is a "worry" that I should surrender to You. You know Lord how I feel when someone doesn't like me or someone is ignoring me. It drives me nuts and I can't relax! At that moment, I don't know exactly how---but You talked to me or You have reminded me of my God Whisper quote -- to release ALL my worries to You. For the first time in my life, I have found a solution to this kind of feeling that someone important in your life or just somebody is ignoring you, as they don't like you. For the first time, I have let go of that feeling and have lifted it up to You. I know I still worry or at least think about it, but most of my sanity is calm.

You know Lord how I like to please others and at the same time, still be myself. But oftentimes, things get misinterpreted and I am judged. I am not perfect. I am trying to be as good as I can, of course with Your help. And you know how someone can drive me nuts just by ignoring me. It will keep me agitated for the days. Irritated, stubborn, and will really set my mood on "fire" that will surely affect my other relationships. I am glad that I don't feel THAT much sad or insane.

You know what exactly I prayed for? Here it is:

Lord, I felt so sad, frustrated, worried, insane and very anxious today. Help me to lift up my worries to you. I do not want this to affect my relationship towards my family and friends. I know what will happen if I let this affect everyone around me. Lord, I lift you up my worries and I am asking for forgiveness to whatever I did wrong to others that made them feel that way. You know me Lord, I never hurt someone intentionally - verbal or through action. Please Lord extend my forgiveness to those persons whom I feel is ignoring me and doesn't like me. I know I can't please all people, but at least I want to have a good relationship with everyone, especially with my family and friends. Help me Lord to change to a better person and praying that I will never trespass someone again.

Well, maybe I have a fear of not being good enough to someone's standards.

Photo: JenLemen

Underneath it all

2010-10-06T17:09:00.001+08:00

Marriage is something that I didn’t expect to happen in my life. I never saw myself as a wife or a housewife. I never dreamt of it. For all those times I am with my past relationships, I didn’t know I am looking for a husband until I get one. I was afraid of marriage.

In a month or so, I am married for five years to my husband. Things have changed and I am glad that I feel that I become a good wife to him. I can say it was a smooth sailing to be a wife to my husband. He is not demanding and very fun to be with. He took care of me well. It was easy to please him through nice things and sumptuous food.

We had ups and downs. There have been fights that I could never forget in my whole life and even had the thought to leave him. But most of the time, we easily make up after a fight – within 24 hours.

But can love really fade? Most of the time, I hardly feel love. I usually feel that it is my responsibility to take care of him and the kids. Out of my duties. I can’t remember the feeling of love that I felt for him 5 years ago. Sometimes I feel that he is not exactly the man that I married 5 years ago. Sometimes I feel that he is feeling the same way towards me.

Last year’s big fight is still very shocking and very painful to me. It left a deep cut in my heart. Since then, there is a wall between us. There is always a feeling that he doesn’t love me anymore or like before. I can feel the coldness in little details he is doing everyday.

Today, God isn’t at the center of our family anymore. It is sad and it is true. I pray that God lead me to a way that I could do to reverse what is happening.

As I am looking at his photos, it was a dull feeling to see his face. No love or smile I could feel on my heart. I don’t know… maybe I still love him underneath it all.

When You Don't Like to Pray

2010-08-23T08:04:00.000+08:00

I have been personally missing communicating with the Lord and I would like to do it sometimes with my prayer partner, my husband. But what if he directly disagrees in praying? This is my dilemma.

Should I still asked him to do it? Or should I back off. It made me frustrated when he directly opposed my great idea to pray. So I stopped talking to him about it. He's insisting he should be going to work. I know he does this when the opposite side is oppressing him. Nowadays, it seems to me, his faith is getting low at this time.

How should I bring back our prayer time together?

I know prayer is my utmost defense and weapon against oppression. I know I have to stand against my own oppression for my husband.

The Troublemaker

2010-05-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

Troublemaker - n. a person who makes trouble, esp between people; someone who deliberately stirs up trouble;

a person who for some reason is not wanted or welcome.

Why do I always feel that I am a troublemaker? Why do I always think that I am the sole responsible for all the miscommunication and misunderstanding. Its been years and I still have this guilt feeling out of emotions and thoughts. I didn't know that I still haven't outgrown it.

Lord, it's been years since I have withdrawn myself from every people and group I know because of my own weaknesses. I always thought nobody could ever understand me and I am different. Nobody could befriend me and could even trust me. I am in great joy to know that I have found a husband to love and understand me, despite of my own weaknesses. And I am in awe that I found You.

Now, I have the feeling to withdraw myself again. To be alone. To avoid any gathering. Just me and my family. Where nobody else can judge me and make me feel that I am not belonged. Nobody can criticize me and made me feel that I am a troublemaker. I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to hurt others. I want to start a new life without them. I have to start my life all over again --- which is what I have been doing for the past 10 years.

I want to escape again. To escape from those devouring eyes and deceiving words. Lord, it's hard to keep positive when you know you're all alone in this battle. Oh... You are now with me. That's a major factor now. I pray that you help me remove this grudge. Keep me in positive mind, even while others are dragging me down. This is a fight and I should not lose!

I know that You will like to change me to a better person in Your right time. That's the only hope I have now.

Photo

Added: I think I got some answers here. http://www.oneyearbibleblog.com/2009/09/index.html

I Wish I Could Play the Piano.. again.

2010-04-19T09:16:00.000+08:00

It's been more or less two decades since I played my last piano piece --"Memory" (from the Musical, "Cats"). Since my family cannot afford to buy me a piano and I have to practice the pieces at home for my piano lesson, I lost interest by that time --which I truly regret! Now, I am older and misses the passion for playing the piano, I wish I could play it again like I used to.

The video of me playing the whole piece of that music still plays on my mind. I remember I wore my blue and white floral dress with white flower hairpiece. I was using my cousin's piano. I don't know where is that video now. Gosh I can read music sheets and can easily follow it! Now, I can't recognize the notes and some other symbols.

God has given me a talent and I thank forever my parents for supporting me. The passion that came from the experience will forever stay in my heart, even I will not be able to play like I used to. The music of the piano makes me reminisce and is giving me such happiness. May God help me to discover and encourage my children's talents and skills, like my parents did before.

This is a nice video I got from YouTube. =)

My Humble Abode

2010-04-03T11:39:00.005+08:00

For two years and a month, me and my husband learned a lot of things from our experience of "living on our own" in this small apartment. Good and bad experiences molded us. Now, another challenge will begin and I know God will be with us.

I can still remember the time that I was praying to God for a house, where my family could live on our own, and on a separate house. (I remember I was crying helplessly inside a bus!) Our family was in the middle of an unpleasant situation and I prayed to God to release us from this situation. I said to him, "Lord, you have said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." I hold on and put my trust to His Word. I released all my inhibitions and frustrations of finding a decent and affordable apartment for us. "I will let You work, Lord."

After a day of that fervent and unforgettable prayer, my Aunt, who just recently-passed away, came to us and told us that she has a friend who has a small rental apartment near her house. So we give it a shot, since it is in the same village. I did not have any expectations about the house and the fee. I even prayed to God before we left.

(Photo by Honikum @ Flickr)

Upon arriving at the apartment, I remember saying to myself, "It looks okay", but it's small, but I like the outside kitchen, the small garden area and most especially, the light passes inside the house, so it wasn't dark and gloomy looking. Then there's the moment of asking about the price and my husband and I were kinda nervous about it. We like the house, but can we afford it? I was on the state of getting frustrated again, because I know we cannot afford if there will be advance payments.

So the question was asked and we are overwhelmed by the answer of our landlady... "Pay me what you CAN pay every month". My husband and I still insists for a price, but she just said the same thing. So we bargained for a price and gladly she agreed. Now, we ask for the advance and down payments, and she just told us, "You can pay after a month. You can move here now, if you want". At that moment, I want to cry and shout, "Thank you Lord!!!"

With just a small money we had, we were able to hire moving van to help us to move and I was so excited to create my own real-life doll house. We did not have appliances by then, except for a TV. We do not even have a stove and a knife, and I haven't thought on what we're going to eat after the move.

My two Aunts from Marc's family helped us a lot. My closest Aunt gave us her spare stove, ironing board and a knife we need to open the canned corned beef. We had everything we need after two years. We were able to pay our appliances with my husband's salary. I am very proud of my husband. He changed a lot, too. From being lazy in going to work, to a very eager and hardworking man. Whenever I needed help to fix something in the house, he attended to it promptly. Fix the water pipes, doorknobs, lights.. --he was there and I loved it. I know he loved the feeling, too.

I have experienced the fullness of taking care of my family. It was physically tiring, from my back aches, arm and hand aches due to carpal tunnel syndrome, to my itchy and blistering hand allergy --- I endured it all, for the sake of my child and my husband. I made sure they have great food on the table everyday. That's my passion. Then, I have known myself better and my Faith is stronger than before. I endured the hurts and wounds against my weaknesses and the bad side. I kept praying to Him. Praising Him with all my heart.

I'm thankful to the Lord for all the angels He sent to fulfill his mission to us. This is one of His miracles in my life and I won't forget that. He answered my prayer in a very mighty way. I thank the Lord for reaching me out every time that I'm in the darkness.

Now, another challenge will began...

Photo by Tambako the Jaguar @ Flickr

One of my ways to control my anger and stress

2010-03-27T09:02:00.002+08:00

I came across this website while browsing some posts from my friends in FB. Its a foreign website, Chinese perhaps. But Google can translate it to English. And it has this wonderful piano music that I was struck by it and I felt relax.

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/burberry1510

That website is a blog by an author named, Burberry1510. Have you heard the music there? I want to know the title of that music. It felt so good to my stressed mind and worried heart.

It was very useful this morning. I had a good talk to God with that in my background music. I am calm once again. I wish I could search the title of this, so I can put it on my cellphone and can listen to it whenever I need it.

Photo by vanhookc @ Flickr

I'm Blessed with God's Love

2010-03-10T11:30:00.002+08:00

When the problems come to you like a hurricane, sometimes its hard to stay positive and see the good things behind all things. I often feel depressed, frustrated and stressed. I can't think straight and have been dwelling on the negative side. It's really hard even to fake a smile and say, "I'm okay!". Even praying to God really seems useless.

But another monumental thing happened to my life once again. It proved that God would want you to stay on the dark side and He loves you. He made me realize that I CAN be happy, too. I can't do that alone.

I was depressed for sometime and have been telling my husband that I don't know what's happening to me. I can think reasonably as a person, but my emotions really got everything in me. I have been crying with such small reasons. I'm getting irritated in even very little things that I don't like. I didn't initiate the Sabbath at all. I'm quick tempered. I'm moody.

Well, some part of my brain says that I should not be reacting like that (or maybe it is God telling me that!). I keep telling to my husband that I will try not to be so emotional and panicky. I'm trying to be well. So, I'm guilty that I didn't keep the Sabbath prayer and have been angry to everyone in the house.

I went to mall and have bought something that we need and I really like. Still, I'm pissed when I came home with no reason. I went jogging with my husband, but getting irritated that we started so late and it's already sunny.On that weekend, I tried not to be in front of the computer again, and tried to socialize to people that are God's people.

Then we went to our household meeting on our group, Couples For Christ and have prayed again. There's a prayer/song that makes me want to cry in front of the group, which I prefer not to! I'm trying to hold back my tears the whole time.

"Lord I Give You My Heart"

Then that the start of a better mood for me. I realized that I am so blessed to have my wonderful children with me, and that my husband is ever so loving and so supportive. I feel that I am blessed that I am helping my husband to realize our dreams. I am blessed that I have a work-at-home job that is paying me good in the comfort of our home. I am blessed that my employers/clients are all very good to me. I am just so inspired in working and before I knew it, I am invited to a lot of jobs and I am passing it to my team that needs more jobs. I am a happy and contented mother, wife, and worker.

I didn't exactly know how it happened. There's no exact formula to my depression, but God. The last two days, I was happy and I will try to be happy even until Friday. I am often get oppressed by that day. My husband told me that in the family, I am the most often getting oppressed by the devil, because he knows that I am really making such effort and have a lot of will to be righteous in the eyes of God. My husband knows how much I really want to be close with God. This is really a war against the bad side.

I will be reading this post every time that I will be oppressed again. This would be one of my ways how to get back to God. Thank you Lord for helping me and blessing me with such love I can barely imagine.

Crazy Morning

2010-03-05T10:29:00.003+08:00

Ever woken up to a place full of crying and shouting, with loud TV and banging casseroles? This is my morning. My daughters are crying, fighting over something, while their father trying to explain things. Then I can hear my helper cooking noisily in the kitchen. Oh, Lord, I really need to pray.

You know how I always dream of a place, a place very near to tall, green grasses with the smell of a fresh morning scent. It's like I've been on that place, but I can't remember where. There's not much of a noise, just my children laughing while running on this green field. Their shouting would not matter because of this large and open space. I can hear the morning birds. No sound of the car's engine nearby. Just peace. Just green.

For the past weeks, I have been daydreaming about this place. Thinking about this made me calm, and at the same time realize how I miss my province. I really don't like the urban area. Yes it was accessible to everything. But I can't find tranquility in this place, or I just don't know how. I have tried waking early in the morning around 5AM, it was good to hear the birds chirping for an hour, but the morning scent isn't good to smell and for everyone's health. I can smell the scent of Manila.

Oh how I wish I can climb mountains again, like I used to in my college days. How I wish my family and I could go on a nature-trip vacation. I could feel you, Lord when I am near with nature. Automatically. I can sense you when I am with nature. The green grass. Growing and thick trees. Unusual insects and flowers you could see on a mountain. I am in awe of the marvelous mind and wisdom you have!

I can still remember the red-orange, chubby caterpillar I saw before and the first thing on my mind was how marvelous are You to create and imagine this little insect that was so beautiful and unique! For something so small, yet so beautiful! I wish I could have taken a picture of that caterpillar. Oh, I regret now.

How can I find peace on this busy lifestyle and busy area? I can't wait to put a lot of plants and flowers on the big house where we will move soon. That's a lot bigger house --more space for my children to run and play, more space for me, too. I hope more space means I can contemplate better. But I'm sure, more green, more peace for me. Less stress, I hope.

Lord, I ask you to give me peace.

Photo (Noise): Anniebee @ Flickr
Photo (Nature): Per Ola Wiberg ~ OFF, Computer crash @ Flickr

The Play's The Thing

2010-02-12T12:05:00.003+08:00

I have this favorite prayer I have found in one of Chicken Soup's book collection. I forgot where exactly I got this, to credit the book. But I will find that book!

The Play's The Thing

Forgive me, Lord

for all the tasks

that went undone today.

But this morning when my child

toddled in and said, "Mommy, play?"

I had to simply had to say yes.

And between the puzzles and trucks

and blocks and dolls and old hats

and books and giggles,

we shared a thousand special thoughts,

a hundred hopes and dreams and hugs.

And tonight, when prayer time came

and (s)he folded (her) his hands and

softly whispered,

"Thank you, God, for Mommy and Daddy and

toys and French fries, but 'specially

for Mommy playing."

I knew it was a day well wasted.

And I knew You'd understand.

~~Jayne Jaudon Ferrer~~

This surely remind me to put my family first from work, household and other things. Gotta go! Gotta play with my kids now!

Effective, Fervent Prayer

2010-02-06T02:24:00.005+08:00

Happy Sabbath to all! Time to rest from work and have a day spent for the Lord.

We just had the Lord's day prayer, and we had a reading -one of my favorite reading from Experiencing God Devotional Book from Henry and Richard Blackaby.

It is titled, "Effective, Fervent Prayer" Page 191.

The effective, fervent prayer

of a righteous man avails much.

James 5:16b

"God promises all believers that if we live righteously and pray fervently, our prayers will be effective and produce significant results. How do we treat a promise like this? We might argue, "But I do pray, and nothing happens!" Our problem is that we do not hold ourselves accountable to the Scripture. God's Word says that prayer ought to accomplish much. If our prayer life is not accomplishing much, what should we do? If we are praying but seeing no results, should we conclude that this promise is untrue? Should we excuse this Scripture as impractical and unrealistic? Or should we examine ourselves to see if we meet its conditions?

James says that fervent prayer avails much. Could it be that we are not fervent in our praying as we should be? Fervent prayer means we do not quit easily. Fervent prayer means we purposefully spend sufficient time in intercession. Fervent prayer means we cry out to the Father, sometimes in tears, with our heart and soul. Fervent prayer comes as the Holy Spirit assists us in praying with groanings too deep for words. (Roman 8:26)

According to James, our righteousness will ensure effective prayer. God's standard of righteousness is different from ours, for He looks beyond our actions, even beyond our thoughts, directly to our hearts. How then should we hold ourselves accountable if our prayers are accomplishing little? If nothing happens when we pray, the problem is not with God. The problem is with us, for God's Word is absolutely reliable. If we adhere to what God requires, He will lead us to pray for things that align with His purposes, and God will answer our prayers in a mighty way."

Amen! This is a good reminder for me and for everyone else who is praying to the Lord for something they would really want. This is true. God can see what is in our hearts when we pray to Him. He would not give what you are praying for, if He knew that in your heart, beyond your thoughts, words and actions, that it was not coming from good reasons or intentions.

He answered my prayer in a very mighty way after I confess what's really in my heart and then I let it go. I then trust the Lord with my life and my prayers.

I am so happy that I have this reminder again now that I am struggling with my prayer time.

What's my calling?

2010-01-24T09:06:00.002+08:00

I had a thought last night. It is like someone whispered in my ear while putting babies to sleep and thinking generally about my work and life.

"What's your calling, Diana?" Is it being a mother or being a worker. Definitely I love being a mother. But currently, I love my work, too. I feel that I am doing my best in my job, rather than being a mother. (Oh yes, I do have insecurities as a mother... I don't know why)

Can a mother be a successful career woman, too? And are all of those career woman has been called for a career? And that career is important to sustain other family's income. Can someone have two callings? Do I really have to choose?

I really love to work and I love my job. I feel that God gave me this job. God have kept me away from work-at-home scams and dishonest employers. God helped me to realize the work that I would love. The small amount of money that I have been producing from this work really helped us a lot and even helped the family of our nanny and laundry maid.

I love my family too and surely can't live without them. I resigned to my previous job, which I love and excel, and even refuse the promotion three years ago to be able to take care of my family.

Is it the right time to have a work again? Surely the fruits of my labor would be for my children and the family's needs. Added income will surely help me and Marc in my children's schooling this year, or next year.

Lord, enlighten me.

Photo by notsogoodphotography @ Flickr.

How I hate PMS!

2010-01-15T05:41:00.002+08:00

Oh it's the time of the month! It's the week before my visitor came and I am not in a very good mood. Yeah, it's a cranky day! For some, they went through this period unnoticeable. But for me, it was a disaster! Have you ever had the same or am I having the extreme PMS?

I get impatient so quickly, frank, unsecured, suspicious, withdrawn myself to social activities, lazy --plus! my body feels like swollen! aarrgh! I hate that feeling and no matter how I hate it, I can't get my PMS to stop. I tried before the vegetable diet for a week and it does help me toned down my PMS. But it makes me to lose pounds so easily. Yes, it was a good diet but I am trying to maintain my weight. I can easily make myself lose pounds than gain, just by stressing out myself. I don't want to look like a dried petunia here --I looked dry and pale!

I also tried avoiding salty foods and too much sugar. I also tried lavender candles to help me relax. I sleep and sleep but still cranky in the morning. I like to cry but there's no reason to cry. I just like to burst out my feelings through crying.

Then I tried talking this to God to help me get through this week with less damage. When I want to cry or scream at the top of my lungs, I called His name. When I am being pissed with everything, especially those events that are not planned. I took a moment alone and away from everyone else to breathe, lie down and pray.

I must say, He is the great solution for PMS. Though I am still having PMS, but I am learning somehow to get control of it. My sane and conscious mind can still think that I will be having a big mood swing in a few minutes and I need to get out of the current situation fast. I can still think to pray to the Lord, despite of being irritable, frustrated, cranky, swollen muscles and everything!

No one does it better, like the Lord. Now, I am going to pray some more...

Photo by Gramody @ Flickr

New Year Resolutions

2010-01-05T09:44:00.004+08:00

I know this sounds cliché over the past decades... but not why try it again? Anyway, I got only one big deal resolution and probably the hardest one --- to strictly observe a Sabbath day.

According to Wikipedia, In Christianity, the Sabbath is generally a weekly religious day of rest as ordained by one of the Ten Commandments. According to my young knowledge, it is the main difference of Christian teachings from other religions or faith. We follow "the period from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset, in reference to the Jewish day of rest, observed by some Christian groups" according to Seventh-day Adventist.

Based on my family's experience, this is one of the hardest commandment to follow. With today's lifestyle and culture, it will be hard to follow not to work on Sabbath day and have a really Sabbath rest. Since my husband is working in a call center, his Friday nights and Saturdays are often spent in the office. My work now also needs me to work on Fridays and Saturdays. Oftentimes, the bad side of the world is oppressing us every Sabbath day. It was a hard fight against evil.

But I know there is still a way not to work on Sabbath and I will do it on January 8, 2010 up to January 9. The first Sabbath of the year is January 1 and for sure, I didn't went to work on that day. I know God would be glad that we are trying every time to observe it. He knows that we need good rest, as well.

Can't wait for Sabbath this Friday! God bless!

Photo credit: Carly & Art @ Flickr.

My upcoming blog -- 365 Daily Morning Prayer

2009-12-31T11:26:00.001+08:00

A new challenge for me --posts 365 morning prayers. One way for me to remind myself to pray DAILY in the morning before I work, eat and do everything else.

Hope I can do this! :)

See my 2nd blog: http://365dailymorningprayer.blogspot.com/

Happy New Year!!!!

2009-12-31T00:31:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year!!!!

Wow another year has passed... I am getting older for sure!

What have I realized this year? From the Ondoy typhoon and tradegy--- God made me remember that life on Earth is just temporarily. In an instant, your loved ones can be taken away from you. House, cars and other material things that seems very precious to you can be gone in a wink. All your wealth in this Earth can be taken away from you in an instant. Nothing is permanent.

Lesson: Spend every opportunity with the ones you loved. Love your neighbors, literally the ones near your house. They can be a God's medium to help you in times of disasters and accidents. Be simple and be happy. True happiness will never come from things -- but from God and from the ones you loved.

Photo by Optical illusion @ Flickr.

Julie and Julia Movie

2009-12-30T12:08:00.002+08:00

I just watched the movie, Julie & Julia. It is about an ordinary woman who is a great fan of a legendary chef and makes a blog out of her cooking challenge. It is a nice and inspiring movie for those women or people who want to do something extraordinary out of their ordinary life that would make them feel good about themselves. Inspires you to do something that is good and that can bring confident to you as a woman, person and a worker.

I can relate myself to the story. For 4 years that I have been not working, I felt that I needed to do something that is worthwhile and something that I love to do that can bring confidence to myself once again. It doesn’t need to be a lifetime change, just maybe something that I can say that I finished or accomplished. Just like Julie, she created a blog and accomplished a good set of challenges in 365 days—then the blog ends. She likes to write and to cook. She puts both skills into one.

Well I am still hoping to have something to finish someday. I have several interests in life, and hopefully I can finish one interest at a time. Now, I would really like to have my own digital camera and to pursue learning photography – one of my lifelong dreams. Every time I am checking on Flickr for some photos, I envy that I don’t know much about photography and I don’t have a camera that I can use to learn it.

I just got an idea--- I would love to be a food photographer someday! That sounds yummy! Only God knows when it will come to my life and be able to share them with you.

December Fever

2009-12-29T10:12:00.006+08:00

We got the fever. We got the virus.

Everyone in the house got the flu. All of us are coughing, sneezing and having a bad day due to flu on the 2^nd week of December. Then my Pauline had a high fever that keeps everybody awake at night. She’s been coughing, vomiting, no appetite to eat or to drink milk, high fever of 40C and generally unwell. We went to her doctor and gave her medications which we followed for a few days until her fever went away. But instead of playing with her ate, I observed that she likes to lie down on the floor, looks so tired, no appetite for playing and eating and then she liked her face to be washed. She is starting to dehydrate. We need to have her confined to a hospital. Since she is not drinking milk, and just drinking small amounts of water and been vomiting, even her medicine syrup. This has been the first time that my child ever been hospitalized. I felt bad as a mother. I am so dead worried and been crying. I felt so sad and worried for my child.

But I know everything would be alright soon. I just want to have her well, sooner. After being put her in dextrose (which has been a funny experience for us) and for two days of sleeping in the hospital, she is drinking milk again and eating bananas—a sign that she is recuperating.

Now, after a week of recuperating, we are here in my hometown province to have our kids joined their cousins and grandparents in this holiday season. The weather here is much cooler than in Manila, thus, my kids have colds again. L

Great time at Club Manila East!!!

2009-12-23T18:50:00.005+08:00

Though this experience is very late, I just had to blog it...

We spent our anniversary at Club Manila East. It's a great time when they are offering 50% discount on entrance and accommodations for the month of November for Facebook Fans!

Of course, I became a fan so we can spent our sweet time with the kids!

My kids love the kiddie pool and the slide. Though we can't slide all the way down at the Giant Slide :( I personally like kayaking! Had my shoulder ache the next day from paddling.

We love the artificial waves! It was scary, too!

We like the food in their cafeteria/canteen, the people, the accommodation, the water, the weather, almost everything.. Yeah, not everything. :)

But it was well worth a day and our time! We would be coming back, for sure!

For their Facebook profile, check this out: http://www.facebook.com/clubmanilaeast

i missed my blog!!!!

2009-12-23T18:34:00.003+08:00

Gosh it's been awhile since I post something here... oh yeah, my last would be about Pacman's fight! Now, he is training for his fight against Mayweather --big one, huh?

Hmmm... let me see what you have missed .. our anniversary treat.. my super duper busyness... my babies gotten sick :( ... my spa massage experience (after being sick, too)... and now-- being busy again in packing up for our vacation tomorrow!!!

I hope I can tell it all before the year ends!

Pacman Did it Again!

2009-11-15T14:33:00.004+08:00

I just have to congratulate Manny Pacquiao for winning against Miguel Cotto in 12 rounds today!!!

Mabuhay! Go, go, go Pacman! Filipinos were proud of you!

For more of this news, log on to:

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/boxing/news/story?id=4656400

Choosing Sanity over Money

2009-10-22T02:19:00.003+08:00

I never thought having a home-based job would be this hard, for my situation. Imagine that I'm working in front of the computer, emailing some prospective clients while my 2 and 3 year old kids were screaming, fighting or demanding attention from me, while I am also hungry and thinking about cooking some food --whoa! I can't multi-task these things! I can't focus!

I love multi-tasking, but sometimes it gets really tiring.

Since my husband is getting busier with his office job, he spent lesser time at home to play with the kids while I cook or do other chores. (I hope and pray he will get the promotion!) He really is a big help to me and a big fun to the kids!

Then I know my kids are getting bored at home, and with that, they demand more time and attention. But every morning, I make sure we have some quality time altogether before I start working. I am devising a lot of plans on how they can enjoy their day -- big paper and crayons, clays, blocks, and puzzles (--thanks for the added idea from Nelonie!) But I will make sure to myself that I will be calm on what will happen AFTER they're done playing! I will clean up their mess: keep their toys and clean the floor with crayon marks on it and sticky clays! Though, they can keep their toys, but really have to be patient with it. I hope there is a "Patient" bar or juice, instead of an energy bar or juice, where I could just buy in the grocery!

I love my job and I am so grateful that I have a kind and patient employer, Vince and of course, we are getting extra funds for our needs. I just asked my boss that instead of an 8-hour work, I will be working only for 6 hours everyday for the meantime. But I will work for 8 hours if I really can. I just need to choose sanity over money. If that two hours would help me relax a little bit, then it is worth more than the 2 hours less on my paid hours.

I am doing this for two days now.. and I am quite relax than the past few days. But you know what -- I didn't quite noticed that I am still working for 8 hours! -- or more like 7 hours and 30 mins. :)

Another way to keep my sanity at normal levels --- go out, relax and shop! even window shopping removes my stress a lot! Can't wait to get my salary and treat myself even for just one Starbucks.

Sabbath day

2009-10-17T13:52:00.003+08:00

It's our Sabbath day! Time to rest and pray. Had a pretty busy and chaotic week.

Time to play with the kids! Will work again later after 6PM.

City Wide Blackouts -- A Blessing!

2009-10-13T00:56:00.006+08:00

There have been power interruptions for the past week here in most cities in Manila and some areas in Antipolo. These power interruptions lasted for 4 to 6 hours, twice a day.

Normally, I will say, "Aaargh! What are we going to do when the lights out!" or "This is going to be boring!". But it didn't pass through my mind. Instead, I felt it is a blessing for me and my kids. We were able to play and spend more quality time together. We played their Barbie and Dora dolls. We spend the hours reading books, counting, playing hide and seek, cuddling, wrestling, and playing with our shadows.

I still squeezed a few minutes to read my books and write.

It is a blessing that the weather is cold for the past few weeks.

Those hours are fun filled time for us. As I am writing this blog on a piece of paper, the electricity went down again. My husband then took Darlene for a bike ride on the street. Even my husband had the time to do that.

Just a picture of me with my babies :)

Juggling

2009-10-10T01:32:00.006+08:00

Inside my thoughts, there's a dozen of things that I need to do.

Inside my heart, something is troubling me.

Inside my body, I felt tired.

My thoughts are dominating my feelings.

My feelings are overcrowding my mind.

My mind is telling me to quit.

My body agrees.

Lord, help me. I am having trouble with my everyday life as a mother, as a wife and having my job at home.

-----------------------------------------------------------

*From the Bible Verse of the day:

“It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.”

This is just what I need today.

PayPal Donations for the Victims of Typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana)

2009-10-01T12:12:00.003+08:00

A man takes a break from cleaning a house swamped by flash floods brought on by Typhoon Ketsana, in a middle class residential neighbourhood in Marikina city east of Manila September 28, 2009. (REUTERS/Erik de Castro) # (http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/09/typhoon_ketsana_ondoy.html)

Finally the RED CROSS is accepting donations via Paypal. Please send your gifts to give@redcross.org.ph. Thank you mga kababayans!

Thank you for all the fellow Filipinos and friends who were in US and other countries, who have made donations for the victims of typhoon Ondoy.

Ondoy Typhoon hits Philippines

2009-09-29T01:08:00.008+08:00

Last September 26, 2009, Saturday, Typhoon Ondoy brought a month's worth of rainfall to Metro Manila and nearby areas in just 9-12 hours, causing severe flooding which resulted in the loss of many lives and the loss of people's houses and properties.

My husband and I were not updated of the forecast, as we only thought it was just the usual rain that we usually have for few days because there were no strong winds that came with it. But when we saw in the TV that most of the roads were like flooded, cars have been flooded away, people on the rooftop, then we got worried. Most of our friends were in the affected area: Pasig, Cainta, Marikina and Manila areas.

Our good friend of mine were stranded in the office that day and were unable to go home due to typhoon and flash floods just outside the urban city development of Eastwood. Her one-story house were submerged in water and only the rooftop can be seen. It is a good thing that her husband were able to go home and rescue their kids and other family members. It must be heartbreaking for a mother who were unable to go home that time to help her family. We felt sorry for her family, which we knew were very hardworking to earn every appliances, furniture and clothing for their family over the years. God is good that they have a kind neighbor who let them in and stay at the 2nd story of their house.

We felt sorry for every one who were affected by the typhoon and flood. We're lucky that our village is situated in a high place, although we're worried about landslides in our area, and not one of our immediate family members have been affected that much.

It was heartbreaking for those who have been on their rooftops for more than 9 hours with no food, no water and drenched in the rain. Especially to those who lost their loved ones due to this tragedy.

This made me realize a lot of things. Neighbors can be annoying sometimes. But if you maintain good relationships with them, immediate help would be just a reach away. Being prepared to everything and being updated with the forecast would make a big difference. One example is a small basement grocery shop here and they used sand bags up to 5" to 6" feet high on the entrance of their store to prevent the water to go inside the shop.

Never leave your house without saying goodbye to your children and spouse. We will never know when disasters or evil men will strike. Lastly, never get too attached with worldly things. I am guilty in this one. God knows how we start from scratch when we first moved out of our parent's house and how He used a lot of people to send His blessings to us. He knows how we wait for a year to have our own appliances. It just doesn't involved savings but also a lot of prayers.

Cars, TV, computer, gadgets, clothes, shoes-- in just a blink of an eye, all these things can be taken away from you. All the things you bought to have your comfortable life will be gone. Sometimes we are too preoccupied thinking what we should buy or what do we need and sometimes we are forgetting that all these things are not really ours. What we need to invest more is our time with our family and friends, especially with our relationship with God. With Him, you can have the strength you need and guidance that will help you.

Those dispensable things can be brought back to your life, even it will take years. But the life of someone you love, this cannot be undone.

We need your prayers.

==================================

Video uploaded by "Gomanio" in You Tube.

URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V6uRHxtQUM

Description:

On Sept. 26, the Philippine capital Manila and its neighboring provinces suffered one of nature's worst beating. Typhoon Ondoy, international code name Ketsana, poured more than a month's worth of rain in six hours, submerging most parts of the bustling metropolis, drowning at least a hundred people as of press time. My prayers to the victims, and may we emerge victorious and live by the lessons of this tragedy.(Photos by Reuters | Music: "Heaven On Earth" by Nicole Pasternak)

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

2009-09-17T21:21:00.004+08:00

I have read this on my Facebook and all I can say, "So true!" to each lesson. So, I asked Regina Brett if I can publish this in my blog and happily she agreed. Thanks!

This is inspiring to every man and woman of all ages.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

(This was originally published by the Plain Dealer on Sunday May 28, 2006, and she's not 90 years old, as what I originally read.)

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:

rbrett@plaind.com or 216-999-6328

To read more of her work:

www.reginabrett.com

www.cleveland.com/brett

My Birthday Message

2009-09-12T06:27:00.006+08:00

I'm trying to set a tradition for my birthday. It's a once in a year event just for you. It's your day. Your day that you'll have to count your years and thinking how time flies so fast.

It is my opportunity to think what happened in the past year and what I have accomplished with my walk to the Lord. Its my day I realized my mistakes I have done in the past year; the goals that I met or didn't met. The people I have acquainted and the places I went. How I am getting patient and more matured (or getting immature). How many blessings I have counted and thank for.

Then I have a special request every year, I want to dine out with my immediate family. Contrary to the tradition here that I'll have to invite my friends and family over dinner and have something special cooked for them. It's kinda stressful for me, just by thinking that I have to cook large amounts of food in the kitchen and have to clean all those pots and dishes. I don't have any household help and still have kids that have unpredictable needs.

That's not what happened last birthday. My family dine out with a few chosen relatives (those who really matter to me) and have to spend more bucks than what it is on my budget. I would like to save those extra bucks for a cellphone that I would want to buy. But I got a message from the Lord the night before my birthday. He said to invest your time, money and effort to the things that really matter to you. Things that no thief could ever take it away from you. Share the blessings that you have to other people so that they will get blessed, too.

So I said alright, let's go and treat them for some pizza and pasta at Yellow Cab.

Then another event happened. My husband and I were members of Couples for Christ. We have household meetings twice a month in each house of the members. Coincidentally, we had our household meeting at our house and we'll have the opportunity to serve the members. I tried to change it on the other date but it seems all the members will be only be available on that date. So it's a date.

I ran into a grocery store and bought some ingredients. I cooked some pasta, chicken and garlic bread for my visitors on my birthday (they don't know it is my birthday that day). My husband helped me with the cleaning up. It was very physically tiring for me and my husband, that he even filed a leave the next day.

But I didn't feel any regrets. It was a satisfying birthday. It is not all about me. It is also about the people I love and care about. I felt happiness serving my friends and family.

The Lord says to me to think selflessly for my birthday. Serve and share my blessings to other people. Think selflessly and don't worry about the future (or for the money that I need for a cellphone).

I just did. Two days after my birthday, I got a bonus from my employer. It's my birthday bonus!

Perfect Gifts

2009-09-04T12:22:00.003+08:00

Others say that I married and had a family at an early age. I was 22 when I had my first baby and then comes the wedding. It was sudden and unplanned. I got negative reactions from many people and they said that I am making a big mistake, that I'll end up regretting this whole situation.

Yes, I did a mistake. Doing the thing before getting married and having a family because of our mistake. They based on their experience or other people experiences. But my husband and I loved each other and are willing to do the next right thing-- to face the consequences and ask for forgiveness from the Lord.

Now, as I am looking at my husband and daughters playing along with a certain smile on their faces, I felt contented and so much happier than ever before. I never get tired of smiling when I look how cute my babies are and how they are loving their father. Without God, I may end up in regrets, frustrations and depression, as what others may be experiencing. Without Him in our family, I wouldn't experience such happiness and contentment that nothing can ever replace.

I don't think having a family is a big mistake, just because it started on a wrong path. Sometimes the perfect gifts came unexpectedly in one's life. Just trust in the Lord that He will show you what's inside.

My First Baby @ 2 years old :)

2009-09-03T03:33:00.004+08:00

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

2009-09-01T23:50:00.004+08:00

I am suffering from CTS again... My hands really needs some stretching and massage after long hours of using my "unergonomic" mouse and some keyboard shortcutting. The pain is progressing especially now that I have data-entry jobs (which I am enjoying). Stretching after 30 minutes of continuous hand movement brings comfort to my hands.

Thanks Lord for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He's giving me limitations to something that could lead to addiction-- Internet browsing! :)

Praise!

2009-09-01T09:34:00.004+08:00

Thank you Lord for the sunny morning, for my children who are cuddling with me every night, for my husband who loves me, for the home based job you have given me, for our kind employers, for the financial blessings you gave me and my husband, for the gift of life, for the gift of friends and family, for the clothes we wore, for the house we lived in, for the food on our table, for the laundry maid that's doing the laundry today, thanks for the good health of the family, thanks for the nice things we have, thanks for the internet connection (so I can blog and go to Facebook), for the laptop that we have, for keeping us safe and away from harm, bad people, or accidents, for sending to us your Holy Spirit everyday to guide us in our actions, decisions, thoughts, and words.

We praise you Lord for loving us.

My Birthday!

2009-09-01T01:55:00.003+08:00

For the first time, I forgot my birthday. Usually, I am anticipating it for one to two weeks before the date. Plans, budget, where to go or what to do are on my head. But now, I totally forgot that it will be on this coming Saturday. Thanks for my husband for reminding me that.

Now, I don't have much plan. But one thing for sure, I don't want to cook on my birthday! It's my rest day. I cook for my family for 7 days a week for a month. I don't want to get stressed on my birthday. So no-no to big celebration. Dining out would be perfect!

Pizza or Chinese food? Yellow cab or KingBee?

Twitter

2009-08-17T13:54:00.000+08:00

I'm connecting my blog to Twitter... :)

God's presence in the midst of busyness

2009-08-17T09:31:00.008+08:00

Today is my rest day, as I don't have telemarketing job this morning. Last week was quite a chaotic week for us: there goes Pauline's birthday, my first week in telemarketing, grocery week, etc. Marc is also adjusting his schedule so that he can help me with daily responsibilities while I am adjusting with the night shift schedule at my job. Btw, my job is home-based; telemarketer at home. Isn't it nice? For a mom like me who wants to work, even part time at home.

One thing stressed me more is that I am receiving salary increase for my telemarketing job, if I do it full time, from 12midnight to 9AM for 5 times a week. It was very tempting! (Actually, we're tempt to do that.) I tried to have fulltime shift last week and what a stress! Thanks God that He still guides me, especially my children when I suddenly goes to sleep while they're awake. Nothing bad happened to them for that week and I do not intend to have something bad happened to them for another week. So, I asked for a part-time shift. Actually, I applied as a part-time telemarketer because I know that it will be hard for me and Marc.

At the time that I am stressed (feels tired and depressed) after every shift, I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me in this. I feel lost in this path. I do not intend to gain a lot of money, I just want to have an extra money and to have something to look forward to everyday. Marc did not agree with my plan to go back to being a part-time, as my boss can be ticked off with my sudden change of plan. He suggested to give it another week or so, as we will find a nanny/maid sooner. But something big in my heart says this is not what it supposed to be. I felt troubled or bothered.

I prayed to the Lord to guide me with my decision-making. I know he would want me to take care of my own children and my husband. I just pray that my boss will understand my situation. I tried to have a fulltime job, but it seems it will not work out with my current situation. Then at Friday night after praying it on our Sabbath prayer, I asked a friend/co-worker for an advice about this decision. He said that it is understandable and gave me an advice. So I dialed my boss' number and talked to him. Thanks to God, he responded positively.

Thanks to God, now I feel excited going to work at 5AM every morning, working for 4 hours and still be able to cook lunch/dinner for my family. I just hired a laundrymaid to lighten up my load on weekends, so I can get a good rest on weekends and have more time with my kids. Now, I am happy. I chose to be happy, with the Lord on my side.

Thank you Lord, for sending your Holy Spirit to touch my heart and everyone around me.

I'm back once again...

2009-07-23T01:18:00.002+08:00

Its been so long since I have posted a blog here. For just few weeks, many things came up and time seems to move faster than before. One of the reasons that I have been laying low is due to my faith to God. This is one of the period that my faith is on the bottom of the wheel. I have this sequence before and certain factors proved that my faith is on a roller coaster ride once again. Impatience, selfishness, and envy are running behind my mind. I cannot think outside the box. My lack of faith shows on my behavior and decisions. Now, I am trying to get into it again; to communicate and trust in His will.

Another reason why I can’t post my written blogs on my scratch book, is that the laptop I am using is having its down moments, too. It just keeps restarting or shutting down on its own. Now, after changing the Operating System (I regret I didn’t made a copy of the preinstalled software), the laptop is still useful but not with lots of applications. Well, I shouldn’t depend on this laptop, as it is a company owned laptop (of my husband) and soon, they need to get it from us. I also do not have a reliable internet connection here with my Globe Visibility. I rather go to an internet shop, that is just across our house, to go surf the net. It is much cheaper in terms of price per hour, but also the reliable internet connection. I can utilize all 60-minute internet connection, without signal flunctuating or disconnection.

Due to the thought of losing the laptop and I do not have internet connection, with the financial insecurities we have, I am pushing my husband to look for greener pasture in his career; and so he does the same to me. Three years since I worked and it is really tempting to work again and be able to help my husband in our needs. I have good reasons to work again, temporarily (like 3 months to 6 months), but there is one big reason to stay: my children. Without any near relative which would be available to look after my children, it is quite hard to work and to look after the needs of my two daughters. Since they are still very young, I just cannot fully trust them to a yaya (which we don’t have one right now). But my desire to work again to be able to have a good life, best education for my kids and to have good health (esp for me) is undying.

My Aunt told me that being a mother means a lot of sacrificing, even your own desires, dreams and interest in life for your family. For me, it is kinda hard to swallow everything as having a family is not planned in my life. I may say that I am still young when I get married and had kids but having my family makes my maturity grew faster with the help of the good Lord. Still, being young and assertive, I still have selfishness in my ways. I know being selfish is not Lord’s way, it is the devil’s. Now, I am still praying that God may grant our prayers to give my husband a new and better job oppurtunities for him, so I will not be tempted again to apply for a job, though I am still looking for a homebased job...

A Prayer for Help in Difficult Times

2009-04-27T13:16:00.006+08:00

This is a very nice prayer from the book, "Praying Through Life's Problems", written by several writers. But this particular prayer was written by Stormie Omartian, Chapter 1 Page 24.

"Lord, I give thanks to You in all things because I know that You reign in the midst of them. I know that when I pass through the waters, You will be with me and the river will not flow over me. When I walk through the fire, I will not be burned. Nor will the flame touch me (Isiah 43:1-2). That's because You are a good God and have sent Your Holy Spirit to by my Comforter and Helper in the midst of difficult times.

Lord, I wait for You today. I put my hope in Your Word and ask that You would fill me afresh with Your Holy Spirit and wash away all anxiety or doubt. Shine Your light into any dark corner of my soul that needs to be exposed. I don't want my impatience or lack of trust to stand in the way of all You desire to do in my life at this time. I realize that no matter how difficult life gets, as long as I cling to You I am moving forward on the path you have for me. Help me to wait on You and not grow impatient with my circumstances simply because my timetable does not coincide with Yours. Help me to understand Your ways and not give in to discouragement. Strengthen my faith to depend on Your perfect timing for my life. Help me to rest in You and be content with where I am right now. At the same time, I ask you to heal, restore, redeem, transform and bring new life to my situation. Teach me what I need to learn and help me get beyond this time successfully so I can rise above the storm to Your place of perfect peace. Amen."

Hope this prayer will also inspire you to trust God in the midst of crisis, as I am feeling today. Kinda depressed due to some finances. I am a fan of Stormie Omartian's Christian books.

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My interests in life

2009-04-25T16:25:00.002+08:00

I want to learn:

1. Photography 101 and have my own professional digital camera
2. More than the basics of Adobe Photoshop CS
3. Gardening
4. Cooking ala Chef Gene Gonzales
5. How to make scrumptious cakes, breads and desserts and have my own oven
6. Every Christian sects of the Philippines
7. HTML, JAVA and other web programming languages
8. Anatomy, Medicine, Science – I still want to be a doctor!
9. How it all began for famous people in the world
10. How to cook the best kare-kare ever!
11. How to put the best make-up suitable for me!
12. Play the piano… again.
13. Tennis… again.
14. The back-bending (or back-breaking?) Yoga
15. Different cultures of the world

I'm pretty sure this is not the end of the list. Thank you Lord for giving me many interests in life.

Moody Day

2009-04-06T16:24:00.002+08:00

I have this feeling again of being depressed and wants to be alone and quiet. I am easily irritated when I saw cluttured things around the house and I don't have much patience when my kids are having their tantrums. Added to that, my husband is not with me now. Not a good day today....

Packing up...

2009-03-31T21:13:00.004+08:00

Its been few days that I haven't posted anything here. We lend our Globe Visibility to our friend to see if they have good HSDPA signal at their place.

Now, I am quite busy as I am packing for a vacation at San Pablo, Laguna, my hometown with my family. Me and the kids will be staying there for a month. Need to escape the urban heat and the health implications on us. My husband will be left here in Manila and will just go there on weekends. I'm packing and preparing for 4 days before we went to Laguna!

I have my list but I don't have much time. My baby Pauline is sick - cough and runny nose. I can't pack if I have to run to her everytime she will cough or else I can't catch her vomit on a bucket. Then with my Darlene beside me while packing, I'm pretty sure she will touch and play whatever her hands can get on.

Then I have to prepare the food for my husband that I will be storing in the refrigerator, so he'll have something to eat while we're gone.

I am getting stressed, with the packing, sickness of my child, cleaning the house and not having someone to talk to. Even my husband is busy that he doesn't have time to have conversation with me or help me with the chores.

I know what to do. I just to need to breathe and have a conversation with Him. He is the only I can rely on and surely won't fail my expectations. I once read in a book that we, people, could not avoid being frustrated by someone who failed our expectations. We should only give our expectations to God. He will surely not fail us.

Give the Credit to God:

2009-03-24T00:05:00.004+08:00

1. For the blessing of life each day
2. For the good health
3. For the food you eat
4. For the nice and decent clothes you wear
5. For the humble house you lived in
6. For the parents who loves you
7. For the family you are with
8. For the blessing of child/children (if you have any)
9. For your good husband/wife (if you are married)
10. For the talents or skills you possess
11. For the job or business you have or the person supporting you
12. For your dreams come true
13. For the laughter you shared with others
14. For surrounding you with good and honest people
15. For the peace of mind
16. For the contentment in life
17. For the happiness and love
18. For the lessons you learned from your mistakes

Would you like to add more?

:)

Sarap Sinigang!

2009-03-19T23:27:00.003+08:00

Hey! They LOVE my sinigang! Syempre, taba puso kow! They called just to say that they loved it!

I can say now that I really can cook good food! :)

God is Good

2009-03-19T18:37:00.004+08:00

I went to Gilmore yesterday to look for shops that are making personalized mugs. I am glad that I got to Gilmore all by myself and I didn’t get lost. But to my surprise, I found out that I wear my turtleneck shirt on the wrong side. It was not noticeable, but I can feel that I am wearing it mistakenly.

But before I leave home to go to Gilmore, my aunt called me to discuss something about the food I will cook for them and about her realizations in her current situation. She told me how God really works in her life and how He is good. Her mother-in-law is in a hospital, as she has complicated psoriasis and she’s the primary caregiver. It was hard for her to see her mother-in-law in such pain and agony. Not to mention the hospital and professional fees they have to pay for her. But since they have the means and have saved some money, they will be able to help their mother-in-law. Thanks for the work of her husband, without the promotions and increased income for the past few years, they won’t have the money to pay the bills now. But thanks to God, for He gave her husband a promising career and high salary. It came to my aunt that the money that they have is not really for them. God intended to have the extra money to help their mother in times of sickness and crisis. God wants us to have faith in Him, that if you follow His plans, He will surely provide and help you. All of the money we have is not only for our needs but intended to share it to others. Every challenges and blessings that God gave us is a small part of a greater plan in the future. Only the Lord knows what will come ahead of us.

Then it came to me that I should not worry about losing my husband’s job. When we have God on our side, we should not worry as God knows what we need and when we need them. We just need to work out on our prayer time so we have constant communication with Him, so we can understand His plan for our family.

Sometimes it is easy not to worry, but oftentimes, I am worried. When I am worried about our finances, I often find myself thinking on how to have an extra income for the family. I impulsively tried the transcription thing, without consulting it first to Him. I am not surprised with the result, as I didn’t get through the application. I know I am being disobedient to the Lord and losing my faith. I didn’t talk to Him about it before I passed my “impressive” resume. At the end, I just end up frustrated and discouraged.

So, as I step foot on Gilmore’s busy and crowded shops, I started to pray that may He guide me and lead me to the right people to talk to. I don’t want to face another bad seller that I just met two weeks ago. I can’t tell right now if I found one, have to find it out on Saturday when I will pick up the mugs.

By the way, the LCD monitors there in Gilmore are cheap, but branded. I even saw an eMachines laptop. I cannot go to Gilmore without stopping at CD-R King to look at their cheap gadgets. I bought some blank DVD+Rs and a 256MB Mini SD for my cell phone for only P80.00 (I think I should have bought the 512MB card for only P100.00, noh?).

My First Blog

2009-03-17T23:57:00.001+08:00

Hello! Now, you are reading my first blog. I don’t really know you nor have the intention of making this “personal blog” known to others. But I’m pursuing this for me to be able to exercise on expressing my thoughts through words. I really have a struggle in expressing myself, especially in speaking. I am better with letters and words. Since I have been home based for the last three years, I really need to sharpen my vocabulary, grammar and others. (But I’m still good at spelling.)

Now, I think to myself, why putting up a blog rather than writing down in a diary or journal? Well, I have the idea, or rather an interest, of pursuing a career – an article writer, on the web or in print. A part-time career or a home based job it is. Thus, I need to have a blog where I could exercise my writing skills and where I could share some ideas or two about everything under the sun, and maybe this will lead me in this career.

What to expect in this blog? Not a diary (hope so!), but my realizations in life with God. I am not a guru or an expert, but since I am always at home, taking care of the kids and so on, I have more time talking to God than someone who is working. I have not yet encountered very significant problems in my life and I am still a young mother and wife, so someone may not take this seriously. We have various stages in life and maybe, just a thing or two, this can give you some ideas.

Thanks for my husband, Marcus, for giving me this idea and believing me that I CAN. Without you and your family, I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now. I believe you and your family are God’s instruments in changing my life to a better me.